(Sample the whisky to check for quality)

Take a large Bowl.
Check the whisky again to make sure it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat 1 C of butter in a fluffy bowl.
Add 1 tsp sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still OK. Cry another tup.
Turn off the mixer.
Break two legs and add to the bowl, and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck to the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky for tonsisticity.
Next sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the Whisky.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one Table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin 350 degrees.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
Check the whisky again.
Go to bed.
Who the hell likes druitcake anyway.